Mostrando postagens com marcador jokes. Mostrar todas as postagens
Mostrando postagens com marcador jokes. Mostrar todas as postagens

segunda-feira, 24 de outubro de 2011

Speak Up, joke...You see, officer...

Standard: American accent
Speaker: Chuck Rolando
English level: C1 Advanced



You see, officer...

A man was pulled over for speeding down the down the highway. The officer came to the driver’s window and said. “Sir, may I see your driver’s license and registration?”

The man said. “Well, officer, I don’t have a license: It was taken away for a DUI. (Driving Under the Influence). “The officer, in surprise, said, “What, do you have a registration for the vehicle?” So the man replied, “No, sir: the car is not mine. I stole it, but I am pretty sure I saw a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it.”

The office stepped back: “There is a gun in the glove box?” The man sighed and said, “Yes, sir: I used it to kill the woman who owned the car, before I stuffed her in the trunk.” The officer steps toward the back of the car and says, “Sir do not move, I am calling for backup.”

The officer calls for backup and about 10 minutes later another highway patrolman arrives. He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his driver’s license and registration. The man says, “Yes officer: here it is, right here.”

“It all checked out, so the officer said, “Is there a gun in the glove box, sir?”
The man laughs and says, “No, officer, why would there be a gun in the glove box?” He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun. The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it. The man agrees and opens the trunk: no dead body.

The second officer says, “Sir I do not understand : the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk.” The man looks the officer in the eyes and says, “Yeah, and I’ll bet he said I was speeding, too!”

terça-feira, 19 de julho de 2011

Teclasap, Joke... The offering plate

All credits of this article for Ulisses Carvalho, he is a Brazilian blogger and he is member of The American Association of Language Specialists. Contact of Teclasap through http://www.teclasap.com.br Since I started to blogging I asked for a permission to him to promote Teclasap here. Not only Brazilian, but Foreigners readers have been visit TECLASAP, Students, Teachers, bloggers, inc conclusion, it's a great resource for us, self-taught in English. Check out the Teclasap's entry, please.




I'll tell you...this is the best Brazilian website about English tips, very interesting to have a look at there, I love this one, for more info visit: Teclasap...Só cá entre nós...este aqui é o melhor site de língua Inglesa (Teclasap) para mais informação visite o site. 
Mark G. Nash e Willians Ramos Ferreira
The offering plate
O vocalista Peter Tägtgren da banda Hypocrisy.
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped toshake the preacher’s hand. He said, ‘Preacher, I’ll tell youthat was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!’
The preacher said, ‘Thank you sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use profanity.’
The man said, ‘I was so damned impressed with that sermon that I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!’
The preacher said, ‘No shit?
  • the offering plate > a sacolinha (onde se coloca doações em dinheiro)
  • afterward > depois
  • shake the preacher’s hand > cumprimentar o pastor
  • I’ll tell you… > cá entre nós
  • that was a damned fine sermon > aquela pregação sua foi boa pra cacete
  • I’d rather you didn’t use profanity > eu preferiria que o senhor não usasse palavras profanas
  • impressed > encantado
  • No shit? > Puta que pariu!
Referência: “Sorria, você está praticando inglês!“, de Mark G. Nash e Willians Ramos Ferreira, Disal Editora, 2010. Leia a sinopse.

segunda-feira, 4 de julho de 2011

The Man of the House

Source: TECLASAP http://www.teclasap.com.br/blog/tag/piadas-em-ingles/
for more information keep in touch through the best English content I've seen 
Mark G. Nash e Willians Ramos Ferreira
The Man of the House
MAN: I’ve been thinking… I’m the MAN of this house, so starting tomorrow I want you tohave a hot, delicious meal ready for me the second I walk thru that door… Afterwards, while watching ESPN and relaxing in my chair, you’ll bring me my slippersand then run my bathguess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?
WOMAN: The funeral director.
  • have a hot, delicious meal ready > preparar uma refeição deliciosa e quentinha
  • the second I walk thru that door > assim que eu entar por aquela porta
  • afterwards > depois
  • slippers > chinelos
  • run my bath > preparar o meu banho
  • guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair > adivinha quem vai me vestir e pentear o meu cabelo
  • the funeral director > o agente funerário
Referência: “Sorria, você está praticando inglês!“, de Mark G. Nash e Willians Ramos Ferreira, Disal Editora, 2010. Leia a sinopse.

quinta-feira, 30 de junho de 2011

I don’t wanna go to war


You should visit Teclasap, it's a Brazilian website very helpful designed by Ulisses Wehby de Carvalho. 
Mark G. Nash e Willians Ramos Ferreira
http://www.teclasap.com.br
Source: 
I don’t wanna go to war
A guy was running down the street when he came up to a nun. He said to the nun “They’re after me. I don’t want to go to Afghanistan. Can I hide under your dress?” The nun said “Sure.” A few minutes later a couple of soldiers ran up and asked the nun “Did you see a guy running by here?” The nun said “Hewent that way.” They ran off.
After they had left, the guy climbed out from under her dress and said “Thank you, sister. You saved my life. I didn’t want to go to Afghanistan. By the wayI hope you’re not offended for me saying so, but you have a beautiful set of legs.” The nun said “If you had looked a bit higheryou would have seen a great set of ballsI don’t want to go to Afghanistan, either.”
  • I don’t wanna go to war > eu não quero ir para a guerra
  • came up to a nun > aproximou-se de uma freira
  • they’re after me > eles estão atrás de mim
  • hide under your dress > esconder-se embaixo do seu vestido
  • sure > claro
  • went that way > foi por aquele lado
  • ran off > saíram em disparada
  • climbed out > saiu
  • by the way > a propósito
  • I hope you’re not offended > eu espero que a irmã não se ofenda
  • for me saying so > por eu dizer isto
  • a beautiful set of legs > um belo par de pernas
  • if you had looked a bit higher > se você tivesse olhado um pouquinho mais acima
  • you would have seen a great set of balls > você teria visto um belo par de bolas
  • I don’t want to go to Afghanistan, either > eu também não quero ir para o Afeganistão