Speak Up, joke...You see, officer...

Source: www.speakup.com.br

Standard: American accent

Speaker: Chuck Rolando

English level: C1 Advanced

You see, officer...

A man was pulled over for speeding down the down the highway. The officer came to the driver’s window and said. “Sir, may I see your driver’s license and registration?”

The man said. “Well, officer, I don’t have a license: It was taken away for a DUI. (Driving Under the Influence). “The officer, in surprise, said, “What, do you have a registration for the vehicle?” So the man replied, “No, sir: the car is not mine. I stole it, but I am pretty sure I saw a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it.”

The office stepped back: “There is a gun in the glove box?” The man sighed and said, “Yes, sir: I used it to kill the woman who owned the car, before I stuffed her in the trunk.” The officer steps toward the back of the car and says, “Sir do not move, I am calling for backup.”

The officer calls for backup and about 10 minutes later another highway patrolman arrives. He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his driver’s license and registration. The man says, “Yes officer: here it is, right here.”

“It all checked out, so the officer said, “Is there a gun in the glove box, sir?”

The man laughs and says, “No, officer, why would there be a gun in the glove box?” He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun. The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it. The man agrees and opens the trunk: no dead body.

The second officer says, “Sir I do not understand : the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk.” The man looks the officer in the eyes and says, “Yeah, and I’ll bet he said I was speeding, too!”

The Guardian...I lived with Wolves

Read the interesting and real history by Shaun Ellis and friends. He has also written a book about his remarkable experience. It is published by Harper Collins. 


Source: http://www.speakup.com.br

The Guardian

I lived with Wolves

Like most Young children, i grew up with an innate fear of wolves. It wasn’t until I was a bit older and saw a wolf in a zoo that I realised how far away this animal was from the mythological creature I’d learned about in books and films.

FASCINATION

I grew up in a small village in Norfolk and was always interested in the natural world and wild animals. I knew I wanted to work with them in some way when I was older. In my 20s, I read about an American naturalist, Levi Holt, who ran a wolf research centre in Idaho and I thought, “That’s where I want to go.” I sold everything I had and raised enough money for my plane fare. When I met the biologists working on the reservation, they took me on as a biologist, teaching me how to track wolves and collect data for them.

THE FAMILY

Even though the other biologists and scientists thought it was dangerous, I soon wanted to get closer to the wolves really to understand their behaviour. I couldn’t help wondering. Could a human become part of their family?

INTO THE WILD

After a year of two of working for the centre and getting to know the area – a mountainous landscape covered in forest – I moved to the wild the first time I got up close to a wolf, within around 30 metres, any fear I had quickly turned to respect. I stayed in a den area, a remote place where wolves look after their yound, and very soon one pack began to trust me. I lived with them day and night, and from the start they accepted me into their group. I ate what they ate, mostly raw deer and elk, with they would often bring back for me, or fruit and berries. I never fell ill and my body adapted quickly to its new diet. It’s easy to look back and think, “What horrible food,” but when you haven’t eaten for a week, it looks appetizing.

I couldn’t hunt, but I soon became useful looking after the younger ones. I would spend days sitting outside the den, observing their behavior and trying to make sure they kept out of danger.

A SCARY MOMENT

I stayed with the same pack of over a year, watching pups grow to adulthood. I never missed human contact during that time. I felt a tremendous sense of belonging with the wolves. Whenever I began to think about my old life. I would quickly switch my thoughts back, in terms of survival. I had constantly to focus on my new habitat. Although I didn’t see anyone, there were people black at the reservation and I had a rendezvous point where I could leave messages if I felt I was in danger. I was only ever truly scared on two occasions once, when all the wolves were feeding, I ate the wrong piece of meat – there is a restrict hierarchy of who eats what part of animal and one of the wolves leapt on me in seconds because of my mistake. He took my entire face in his mouth and started to squeeze hard. I could feel the bones in my jaw begin to bend and in that split-second I realised how vulnerable I was and how restrained they were most of the time.

PROTECTION

The other time, I wanted to get a drink from the stream and one of the wolves stopped me dead in my tracks. I thought, “This is the end, he’s going to finish me off.” An hour of so later, he started to lick my face and we both went to the stream for a drink. There I saw evidence of recent bear tracks and droppings, and I realised this was why he guarded me. I would almost certainly have been killed but, more importantly, my tracks would have led back to their young, so it was for their protection.

MY NEW LIFE

Eventually I had to leave. Life expectancy in that short of environment was short and I felt it was time to come back to society. Returning to the world was a tremendous culture shock, but I knew I could do a lot with the knowledge I’d acquired. I now urn a centre in Devon that helps wild and captive wolves, and offers educational courses. I want to show people that wolves aren’t savage and ruthless –they are balanced and trustworthy creatures that place their family above all else. 


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CONFESSIONS OF A LATIN TEACHER, PART III

Source: Speak Up
Language level: Upper Intermediate
Standard: British accent
Speaker: Justin Ratcliffe

CONFESSION OF A LATIN TEACHER PART III BY WILLIAM SUTTON

The title of Peter Jone’s book, Vote for Caesar: How the Ancient Greeks and Romans Solved the Problems of Today, is self-explanatory. He believes that, if we study the Greeks and Romans, we can be great like them. Greek and Latin are often cited as the best languages: they are more complete and accurate than modern languages. The claims are nonsense. The Romans and Greeks had as many problems as we do. They were greedy, genocidal and cruel to animal. Perhaps that is why we like them: their errors, as well as their achievements, are familiar.

This month and next, we consider 10 unpleasant Latin legacies.

1.   EXPLOITATION

Empires come and go, but it was the Romans who developed the systematic exploitation of colonies. Their phenomenal military machine enslaves natives, extracted resources and generated taxes. The Romans gained luxuries, cheap food, wine, bathing and sanitation. Slaves provided labour, skills and entertainment (gladiatorial and sexual).

This model of empire led to European colonisation; the slave trade; exploitation of Americas; the US cotton industry and the industrial Revolution.

2.   ECO-WARRIORS

At the opening of the Colosseum, 5.000 animals were killed. In on hunting spectacle, they massacred hundred of lions, leopards and bears and thousands of ostriches, deer and wild boars. The pushed animals towards extinction. There are no elephants and lions in North Africa; there is no Syrian elephant, no Atlas bear and no hippopotamus in the Nile.

The Romans drained lakes and diverted rivers. They spread cities across Europe, causing sanitation problems that still exist today. They gave us the belief that man could dominate the environment – only now the environment is fighting back.

3.   GAMES AND GAMING

The Romans inverted sporting celebrities. We may not allow gladiatorial fights, but today’s boxing and Formula One echo that fatal thrill.

Danger was not enough. The Romans turned Greek sports into gambling extravaganzas. Fortune were won and lost at the Circus Maximus, as in horse racing today. We don’t yet kill people on TV, but Big Brother has something in common with the voyeurism of throwing Christians to the lions.

4.   DEMOCRACY (SORT OF)

The Greeks invented democracy, we are constantly told. We often forget that Athenian democracy was restricted to male citizens. This experiment led to war, plague and the collapse of Athens.

Political hypocrisy never changes. The Emperor Augustus exiled his own daughter Julia for partying and prostitution when he was passing morality laws. Tony Blair suggested fining young men who drink alcohol: a week later, his son Euan was arrested, drunk, in Leicester Square. Silvio Belusconi is mocked for appointing sexy women as ministers; but at least he hasn’t tried to make his horse a consul, like Caligula.

5.   PROGRESS

We want to believe that politics improve, moving towards justice. This is naive. The Romans threw away centuries of popular reform when they accepted emperors. Their dictatorship inspired Hitler and countless others. More Romans ruination next month!

WELCOME TO PRISON

Source: www.speakup.com.br
Standard British accent
Language level: A2 INTERMEDIATE

WELCOME TO PRISON

This month we experienced life in one of London’s most notorious prisons: The Clink, located in the South Bank district, was a medieval prison infamous for its horrific torture machines.

UNDERGROUND

Where is the Clink? The nearest underground station is London Bridge: this is on the Jubilee and Northern lines. Visitors emerge from the underground station to see the London Dungeon attraction across the road. Ignore the long queues outside the London Dungeon, and walk west to Montague Close. Go past Southwark Cathedral and the recreation on the 16^th century ship, the Golden Hind, and take the narrow back passage named Clink Street. On the left, there is the entrance to the Clink prison. Go through the door and take the dark stairs down to cells bellow. A terrible cry comes from above visitors’ heads as they descend the stairs: it’s a man imprisoned in a metal cage!

INSTRUMENTS OF TORTURE

Was the Clink really a terrible place? Today visitors can walk through the candle lit cells and examine the torture devices which once terrorised prisoners. There’s the whipping post, where prisoners were chained and whipped. Then there’s the torture chair and the thief catcher –a mysterious long metal stick with three hooks. There’s a chastity belt and a horrific “boot,” or foot crusher. Prisoners were forced to put on this boot, which was then filled with water or oil and pieces of wood. The prison keeper the heated the boot and…

HORRIBLE HISTORY

The Clink was used from the 12^th until 18^th century. It was part of Winchester Palace, the home of the powerful Bishop of Winchester. The district, now called Southwark, was famous for its brothels and prostitutes in medieval times. In fact the prison was one of the first to hold women prisoners. Visitors to the Clink can learn the many terrible stories of these times.

SHAKESPEARE

After this traumatic experience, it’s time to relax. Vinopolis is just a minute’s walk away. It offers wine tours with wines from all over the world. Afterwards you can visit other medieval attraction: the recreation of Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre. It offers guided tours and the chance to see Shakespeare’s plays in an open-air medieval theatre.

LIFE IN THE CLINK

Life in “The Clink” was brutal. Punishments in the prison included torture, solitary confinement and a diet of bread and water. Prison officers beat the prisoners with canes, and used chains to stop them sleeping. Murder was common. Yet prisoners with money, or friends outside, often paid the prison officers to improve their conditions. The officers provided rooms, beds, candles and food for a good price. They also accepted payments to allow prisoners outside to work.

The prison was destroyed in 1450 when angry protesters burnt the building down and killed the prison officials. The rebellion was defeated and a new prison constructed. In 1530 Henry VIII legalised the boiling of women in oil –the punishment for killing a husband. In the 16^th and 17^th centuries the prison was used for both Protestant and Catholic dissenters – many starved to death. A group of Puritans who survived the prison travelled to America on the Mayflower in 1620. The prison was finally destroyed in 1780 by religious protesters.

ADDRESSES

The Clink

1 Clink Street, London SE1 9DG Admission prices: Adult £5, Children £3,50 http://www.clink.co.uk .

Vinopolis

1 Bank End, London, SE1 9BU Tel: +44 (0) 20 7940 8320 

http://www.vinopolis.co.uk .

Shakespeare’s Globe

21 New Globe Walk London, SE1 9DT Tel: +44  (0) 7903 5970

http://www.shakespeares-globe.org .