THE DEVIL AND THE LAWYER

THE LAST LAUGH

 Source: www.speakup.com.br

Speaker: Chuck Rolando

Standard: American accent

source of the picture: richardwiseman.wordpress.com

The devil and the Lawyer

The Devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him and offer: “I can arrange some things for you,” the Devil said. “I’ll increase your income fivefold. Your partners will love you. Your clients will respect you. You’ll have four months of vacation each year and live to be 100. All I require in return is that your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, and their children’s souls rot in hell for all eternity.” The lawyer thought for a moment and then asked, “So, what’s the catch?”

The Wife and the Secretary

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitate, he dictated,”…and in conclusion, gentlemen, budgets cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue operate this office with just one chair.” 

Joke The Poor Farmer

                                Source:             http://www.teclasap.com.br/blog/ 

For more information visit Teclasap

The Poor Farmer

A man owned a small farm in North Carolina. The North Carolina Wage Office & Hours Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate.

“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the agent.

“Well,” replied the farmer, “there’s my farm hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $400.00 a week plus free room and board.

The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $300.00 per week plus free room and board.

Then there’s the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. Hemakes about $10.00 a week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.”

“That’s the guy I want to talk to… the half-wit,” says the Agent.

“That would be me,” replied the farmer.

Cf. Mais Piadas em Inglês

• the poor farmer > o pobre fazendeiro
• owned a small farm > tinha um pequeno sítio
• the North Carolina Wage Office & Hours Department > o Departamento de Supervisão de Horas e Remuneração salariais da Carolina do Norte
• claimed > alegou
• was not paying proper wages > não estava pagando salários adequados
• to his help > para os seus empregados
• employees > funcionários
• demanded > exigiu
• farm hand > peão
• plus free room and board > além de alojamento e comida
• the cook > a cozinheira
• then there’s the half-wit > ah, tem também o otário
• makes about $10.00 > tira por volta de $10,00
• a week > por semana
• a bottle of Bourbon > uma garrafa de Bourbon (uísque)
• that’s the guy I want to talk to > esse é o cara com quem eu quero falar
• that would be me > esse sou eu

Humor: Three lawyers and three engineers board a train…

Definitely Teclasap is one of the best Brazilian website that's why I've promoting and placed a link on my favorite and useful sites, check it out http://www.teclasap.com.br


Translated jokes.

Three lawyers [Três advogados] and three engineers [três engenheiros] are traveling by train [estão viajando de trem] to a conference [congresso]. At the station,each of the three lawyers buys a ticket [os três advogados compram uma passagem cada um] while [ao passo que] the three engineers buy [compram] only one ticket[bilhete].

Cf. “LAWYER” ou “ATTORNEY”: como se diz “advogado” em inglês?Cf. Falsos Cognatos: ENGINEER

“How can the three of you [Como vocês três vão conseguir] travel on one ticket [só com uma passagem]?” asks a lawyer.

“Watch and you’ll see [Preste atenção e você verá],” answers an engineer.

Cf. Falsas Gêmeas: SEE x LOOK x WATCH

Aboard [A bordo; Dentro do] the train the lawyers take their respective seats [sentam-se nos seus respectivos lugares] while all three engineers cram into [se espremem; se apertam; se enfiam] the restroom [no banheiro] and squeeze the door closed behind them [mal conseguem fechar a porta por trás de si].

Cf. Vocabulário: Banheiro

When the conductor [o cobrador] comes around [passa] collecting tickets[recolhendo as passagens], he knocks [bate] on the restroom door and says, “Ticket please.” The door opens a crack [Só uma fresta se abre] and a single arm [apenas um braço] emerges [aparece] with a ticket in hand [segurando o comprovante]. The conductor takes it [o recolhe] and moves on [segue seu caminho].

Cf. Vocabulário: Produce Store e Volte Sempre

The lawyers are impressed with [ficam impressionados] this clever idea [sacada]. On the way home [Na volta] from the conference, they decide to copy the engineers’ technique. At the station, they buy a single ticket for their return trip [a viagem de volta].To their astonishment [Perplexos], the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all [não compram nem mesmo uma passagem]!

“How in the hell are you going to pull this off? [Que porra vocês estão aprontando?]” asks a lawyer.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

They board the train. The three lawyers cram into one restroom and the three engineers cram into the other restroom.

Shortly after the train departs [Logo depois da partida], one of the engineers leaves[sai] his restroom and knocks on the other restroom door. “Ticket please!”