Originally posted by: http://practingenglish.blogspot.com/
Psychiatry patient
A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no man will come near me and everybody laughts at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?"I'm sure I can", the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch."
Under pressure
Patient: "Doctor, you gotta help me. I'm under a lot of stress. I keep loosing my temper with people."
Doctor: "Tell me about your problem."
Patient: "I just did, you idiot!"
Questions and Answers
- Why are married women heavier than single women?- Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed; married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.
The Officer...
A young army officer joins a new regiment. Social life in the regiment revolves around "the officers' mess" and when the young man goes there for the first time, a senior officer kindly offers to explain how things work.
- Well, says the senior officer, if you like drinking, you'll certainly enjoy Monday. Every Monday evening we receive a large supply of wishy, beer and wine and we get completely smashed, it's marvellous. Do you enjoy a drink?
-I'm afraid I don't drink, actually.
After an embarrassed silence, the senior officer says:
-Oh, well, not to worry. You'll probably enjoy Tuesday. Every Tuesday evening we receive a large supply of unbelievably beautiful women. They come here to the mess and we have the wildest time. It's absolutely marvellous. I take it that you like women?
-Er, well, not particulaly.
After an even more embarrased silence, the senior officer says:
-I say, you're not gay, are you, by any chance?
-Oh, good lord, no!
-Ah, well in that case, you won't enjoy Wednesday either!
Psychiatry patient
A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no man will come near me and everybody laughts at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?"I'm sure I can", the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch."
Under pressure
Patient: "Doctor, you gotta help me. I'm under a lot of stress. I keep loosing my temper with people."
Doctor: "Tell me about your problem."
Patient: "I just did, you idiot!"
Questions and Answers
- Why are married women heavier than single women?- Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed; married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.
The Officer...
A young army officer joins a new regiment. Social life in the regiment revolves around "the officers' mess" and when the young man goes there for the first time, a senior officer kindly offers to explain how things work.
- Well, says the senior officer, if you like drinking, you'll certainly enjoy Monday. Every Monday evening we receive a large supply of wishy, beer and wine and we get completely smashed, it's marvellous. Do you enjoy a drink?
-I'm afraid I don't drink, actually.
After an embarrassed silence, the senior officer says:
-Oh, well, not to worry. You'll probably enjoy Tuesday. Every Tuesday evening we receive a large supply of unbelievably beautiful women. They come here to the mess and we have the wildest time. It's absolutely marvellous. I take it that you like women?
-Er, well, not particulaly.
After an even more embarrased silence, the senior officer says:
-I say, you're not gay, are you, by any chance?
-Oh, good lord, no!
-Ah, well in that case, you won't enjoy Wednesday either!
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