HOW CLOSE IS TOO CLOSE?

Source: www.speakup.com.br

Language level: Upper Intermediate

Speaker: Rachel Roberts

Standard: American accent

HOW CLOSE IS TOO CLOSE?

BY RACHEL ROBERTS

We all know that body language and tone of voice account for a huge percentage of communication. Interpreting these non-verbal signals is particularly important in situations where the speakers don’t share the same mother tongue: for example, a negotiation or business meeting with a foreign client or business partner. Non-verbal communication is a very complex issue, and a culturally intelligent person knows that one of the first steps to understanding it is becoming aware of other people’s relationship space.

WATCH THIS SPACE

Image you’re sitting on the metro in an almost empty carriage. Another passenger gets on the train and, ignoring all the other free seats, comes and sits right next to you. how do you feel about this? If you’re British or American, you’d probably feel the other passenger was invading your space. On the other hand, if you come from a Latin Culture, you may have noticed how people from Anglo-Saxon or Northern European cultures sometimes take a step back while you’re talking to them, so that you end up chasing them across the room. They will also glare at you furiously if you accidentally touch them while standing in a queue. British and American people are very conscious of how their personal space is organised, and they have a strong belief in “first come first served.” If you get too close while waiting in line, they will immediately suspect that you are trying to push in. The French, on the other hand, have a practice of resquillage, or queue-jumping, that Anglo-Saxons find intolerable.

PROXEMICS

Apart from the basic question of how close you should get to other people, the distance you should maintain when you’re actually communicating with them often depends on their authority, age or gender. However, there are certainly cultural differences. The researcher Edward Hall coined the term proxemics to describe acceptable distance between humans and the idea of personal space. In The Hidden Dimension (1966), Hall argued that spatial relationships involve territory, proximity and a wide range of personal comfort zones. Proxemics defines four general categories of space: public space, social space, personal space and intimate space.

ACROSS THE UNIVERSE

Think of yourself at the centre of a small universe of concentric circles that surround and protect you. The outer circle is quite large, with a diameter of up to 8 metres or more. This is your public space and is the domain of public interactions such as walking down the street, or passing other people in a supermarket. The inner limit of your public space circle is about 4 metros. Come and closer and you move into social space, which steps about a metre away from you. In our social space we conduct exchanges such as meeting someone new, greeting an acquaintance, or generally interacting with someone who is not particularly well known to us.

A PERSONAL BUBBLE

Inside that last metre of distance begins your personal space, sometimes know as your “personal bubble.” As a general rule this region stops about 50 centimetres away from you, but it has the greatest cultural variations and subsequently can cause the most trouble! Personal space is used to separate people waiting in queues, or sitting on a bench, and only your good personal friends are invited into it. If anyone comes closer than 50 centimetres, they enter your intimate space. Usually only a small handful of close friends and relatives will be allowed into this domain, where you exchange kisses, hugs, whispers and intimate types of touch.

RELATIVE VALUES

The challenge for international communicators is that cultural expectations about these spaces vary widely, and the actual size of each circle will also differ from person to person. If someone is used to standing or sitting very close when they are talking with another, they may see the other’s attempt to create more space as evidence of coldness or a lack of interest. On the contrary, those who are accustomed to more personal space may see attempts to get closer as pushy, disrespectful, or aggressive. In these circumstances miscommunication is likely to happen and may lead to conflict, or could aggravate conflict that already exists. As we have seen, Anglo-Saxons usually have a wider “personal space” circle than most southern Europeans and Latin Americans, but even they might find Scandinavians standoffish and cold. On the contrary, Latin might feel their space was being invaded in Saudi Arabia. Here it is not unusual to find yourself almost nose to nose with a business associate. This is because social space in Saudi Arabia is the same as intimate space in most other cultures. Could you comfortably conduct a negotiation in such a position, without appearing cold of aloof?

AN INVISIBLE LINE

Certainly a great deal of cultural acceptance is needed and it’s equally important to pay close attention to the comfort of the people you deal with and, if necessary, modify your social distance. Otherwise you might risk stepping across that invisible line into their personal space and putting them under unnecessary and unintended pressure. How will you know? Well, their body language should give you some indications and next month we’ll be examining some of that non-verbal language that can say so much more than words.